"Eat It Today, Wear It Tomorrow"

I'll write it again. "Eat it today, wear it tomorrow". It has to be one of the funniest and on target lines I've ever heard. It came from Bronc, a good and longtime friend from Parker, Arizona and he said it to me in the early 1980's. It's come out of my mouth numerous times and always evokes a nod and a laugh. It's origin is this. Bronc and I were co-coaches of a basketball team and we we're at Wharton Fieldhouse in Moline, Illinois prior to a game. I was spouting off about getting fat and Bronc said, "Eat it today, wear it tomorrow". That's it. He didn't say anything else which makes it even funnier. He's like the old sage, Jeb, who lives in the woods and utters profound words of wisdom then the townsfolk go back to their cabins and write them down for posterity.
The reason I bring this up is because I've been doing a lot of 'wearing' lately; about 15 pounds more than I was two months ago. When I put on weight it always goes to one area first, my chest. I am an immediate candidate for Kramer's, The Mansierre. It's not my fault. I come from a bad gene pool.
I made a quick decision to do something about it. Hello, Dublin Rec center. Personally, forced exercise for me is akin to throwing up and swallowing it. The first day I made the exercise decision I drove by the center and waved. That was a very positive start. The second day I walked into  the center, gave them my money, walked out the door and came home because I was exhausted. On day three I hit the treadmill and did some chest weights. Today is day four and I repeated Day 3. I feel Herculean.
I'll turn 68 in one month and three days. It's not only the weight but the rest of my body that is wearing out. It's funny how that stuff sneaks up on a person. If one thinks about it willy-nilly, the wearing out part, then it doesn't seem so bad so I made out a list of personal deterioration. I'm due for another colonoscopy. They're not as bad as it sounds but the preparation stinks. This will be my fourth.
 Another hip replacement is on the horizon. The first week after surgery is a bummer unless I'm full of happy juice. It also helps if the nurses are gorgeous and put up with my flirty senioritis mouth.
 Did you know I've suffered four severe concussions in my life; all sports related? I have brain mapping done every week to get blood to that part of the brain that doesn't work anymore. The Doc attaches electrodes to my head then sends electric impulses to my brain. Conditions of this nature sometimes allow serial killers to go free.
I love golf. You already know that. But there's one part of my body that has always plagued my ability to maintain balance. I have hammer toes, very severe hammer toes. My toes, in my entire life, have never touched the soles of my shoes. So, at the age of 67 I decided to do something about it. Did you know there are feet stores that sell two pieces of cheap looking plastic for only $325 to help correct the dreaded toe problem? I bought some yesterday. Hammer toe inserts are kind of like cheating on your body if you think about it. They're fake body parts for old people. It's like a 70 year old woman having a face lift or boob job. I mean, at our age, what's the point?
Oh, I almost forgot, I wear hearing aids. They were a good buy. I've always known how people hate it when we audibly deficient say , "Huh", fifteen thousand times a day.
It could be that I'm being overly hyper about my body. I knew a guy in Texas who had the answer to gaining weight. He always told me to buy bigger clothes. He was completely happy in whatever package he had.
I'm more vain that that. When we were in Texas two weeks ago my ex-wife(read blog for 12/15) and I along with my daughter were in the quaint little city of Fredricksburg. Every small town has a bench on Main and First Street. It's populated by three grossly overweight old-timers in bib overalls and one of them is holding his hands up with a cane. They sit all day, chew the fat and people watch. I will never be one of these guys. The wife of one of my friends calls them DPS'ers; members of the dead pecker society. Shoot me on the spot if you ever see me there. It's where old guys who don't give a whit wait to die. As I said, I'm vain.
Basically the point of this blog is people change and bodies change as we get old so we'd best learn to live with it gracefully. Another reason for this post is this: If you don't want to live with it then do something about it. In other words, "Don't eat it today and you won't wear it tomorrow".