Sunday, September 20, 2015

Tales Of An Aging Man

When we first married, around a hundred years or so in living in the village of honey and nectar Her Majesty once told me, "I can hardly wait to turn 70". Now, I'll never pretend to understand women but even back then I thought this was a ridiculous statement.

Maybe she thought great wisdom would be hers. A week ago The Queen celebrated number 68. For one day depression set in but she soon got over it.

Anyway, I got to thinking about this aging process and how it's affected me. Sad to say it happened at Mass this morning but it wasn't my fault. As I was about to get in my pew I genuflected. The problem was, how do I get up without using a hoist? I did make it with the help of a grunt, sort of like "Uhn".

The last time I played a 7,000 yard golf course was in 2001. I shot a 78 at a place called Echo Springs.

Since then I play at 6,400 yard. Ten years ago I could drive the ball a good 250-260 yards. Now, if it goes 230 I want to call a television network and shout the news.

I wear hearing aids----and like it. When I go on a trip I have a large plastic container filled with prescription pills. A vacation requires the organization of the CEO at Pfizer.

Three nights ago, while getting ready for bed, I brushed my teeth and threw down my nightly pills and went to bed. Then I'd forgotten to fill my CPAP machine with water for sleep apnea so it was back to the bathroom. I'd left the water spigot on my previous trip. "Man, what an idiot" I said to no one in particular and promised never to do it again.

This morning I got up and came downstairs and was met my The Queen. "Do you know you left the bathroom water on all night"? The sad aspect to this is I went to the bathroom four times and still didn't hear it. This, too, wasn't my fault. I don't wear hearing aids when I sleep.

I'm not certain if it's hard being me or getting old. What I do know is old-timers, really old-timers, don't care if they die. It's a heck of a lot easier than spending a good part of the week re-filling prescriptions, buying inserts to correct hammer toes, re-filling the CPAP machine and all that jazz.

I have many good and dear friends and they all have the same first name. They're called called Doctor.

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