One More Off The Bucket List: Goin' To The State Fair

My buddy and I traversed down I-71 in Columbus, O. yesterday toward the 17th street exit on our way to THE Ohio State Fair. I have to admit I had butterflies in my stomach just thinking about all the experiences I had at the Iowa State Fair back in the 50's and 60's. I had mentioned earlier that I hadn't personally been to a state fair since 1961 but I forgot that I took Carol Mondt to see an Andy Williams concert in '65. That doesn't actually count, though, since we only went to the grandstand. My most impressionable visits to the Fair were with my summer boyhood friends, Jeff and Jerry Johnson. They were twins from Kalamazoo and their parent's sent them to Grandmama Olson's house in the summer months.  We had great fun together as only nine year olds can have. Their grandmother was always taking us places. Des Moines had an amusement park called Riverview. It was a neat place because everyday people ran it instead of the carnival types with no teeth, hand made tattoos on their forearms and a pack of Marlboros rolled up in their t-shirt sleeve. We had the run of the place. For a dime a guy could ride the bumper cars. They were always my favorite. The last time we kids went to the State Fair was when we were nine. I guess I thought we knew what we were doing but as I think back a nine year old is pretty darned, "how do I say this" ignorant. I think my parent's and Granny Olson got together for the big, 'Fair Experience'. They told us we could go to the State Fair and stay there for three days. "Wow, three whole days at the Fair, walking around and having fun". Why we'd drink those cool lemonades where the entire lemon was dropped in it. We'd eat cotton candy and have foot long hot dogs. We must have been like your average/dumb kid-------stupid and easily duped. Where were we going to stay? My parent's gave me $2 to have a good time. I didn't even question the fact that they didn't pack my rubber sheet. That was a mandatory. Do you think all three knew we'd me home that same night?
My favorite thing to do at the State Fair was to look at different and strange people. Walking down a fair midway was like a walk through an Alice in Wonderland story book. Back in the day there were sideshows with all kinds of different types. My first remembrance of the strange and different was spending a dime to see Donnie and Ronnie. They were Siamese twins joined at the stomach. Their parent's put them in the fair as a sideshow act. Today it seems cruel but in 1955 it was 'just different'. They'd walk around facing each other and the 'normal folks' would we'd gawk. What must have they thought? Donnie and Ronnie are one of those memories I've never forgotten. They're still alive and living in Dayton, Ohio. http://www.phreeque.com/galyon_brothers.html
I didn't do too many rides in those days. I was deathly afraid of the Ferris wheel. The tilt-a-whirl was one of my favorites, though. I can never forget the thrill of going around in a circle and your car turning so fast your head was forced into the back of the head rest and you were unable to lift it in the air. The Haunted House was a waste of time. Turn a corner and some stupid head with a green painted face and red lips would come rushing at you. Scary? No way. Going to confession at church was a lot scarier than this razz-ma-tazz.

The Iowa State Fair was an experience every kid should have. I'm not a farm boy but I enjoyed walking through the cow barn. The only way to explain what I'm about to write will make me come off as some sort of weirdo but there is a conflicting excitement of walking through the animal areas. The combination of dung, straw, hay and the cows odor itself is something that never leaves you. It's like, "get me out of here but let me have one more whiff before I go". Does that make sense? I didn't think so.
So, yesterday, my buddy, 'The Dobber' and I paid our $10 to get into the Ohio State Fair. Depending on who one believes the Ohio State Fair and the one in Texas are the largest in the US. The first thing I noticed as we sauntered down the main walkway were the row after row of food establishments. The second thing that crossed my mind, and this is the same vision as when I visit the Columbus Zoo is, "Gosh, there are a heck of a lot of obese people here". Thank God someone invented the motorized cart of a lot of these folks would fall over after fifteen steps.
I told my buddy, "let's visit the pig barn first". He was up for it so now you know there are two quirky folks in this world. On the way to Porky's Palace we went through the sheep barn. I did not realize there were so many different kinds of the woolly creatures. We stopped at one cubicle and started asking sheep questions. I'd never thought of sheep having long tails but just like what happens to Cocker Spaniels and Dachshunds they have their tails removed; mostly for cleanliness. I learned volumes about sheep yesterday.
Onward to Swine City--except there weren't any. After we got home we heard on the news that a couple of cases of swine flu had been detected so they sent these bad boys home.
My friend just had to have a hot dog, one of those elephant ears and a lemonade. The elephant ears were made from scratch, dumped in a vat of grease then sprinkled with cinnamon and all three of these, together, only cost $16. Being pretty much a cheap skate I decided to hold out on the food.
Then we went to the midway." Aha! The sideshow acts", I thought. Except there were only two. Maybe political correctness has hit the carnival. That has to be it. There was one tent with a 'freak'. It was the 'Snake Woman' According to the barker she had the head of a human and the body of a snake. He said we could talk to her and she would talk back to us and today, only, we could get in for one dollar.
 Since I am a college graduate I have an advantage over GED people or those who haven't attained that type of educational status. At the bottom of the sign touting the Snake Woman were three words: 'An Outstanding Illusion". I saved a buck. The other freak act was the worlds shortest woman; only 29" tall and her hand, if you believe the sign out front, was only two inches wide. Why do I think there was a Barbie doll inside that tent?
So, that was it. We were there for three hours. I'd seen everything I wanted and then some. My bucket list was complete.
Know what? My memories of being nine years old with Jeff and Jerry Johnson are still a lot more fun that being sixty-six and facing the realities of life. Plus, back in the Fifties there was no such thing as the swine flu.