Is There A Perpetual Rain Cloud Over Your Head?

 I'm sometimes happy I get dumped on frequently. Maybe God wants me to suffer, a bit on earth, so I can enjoy a peaceful eternity. I'm the kind of guy who could successfully jump a mud puddle then land in a pile of do-do from a St. Bernard. 

Friday's in our house is the one day The Queen doesn't cook. I'll pick out a restaurant for take out. Yesterday it was Panera. She ordered salads for both of us. Mine was a cobb salad. I like those. Pick up was set for 6:15. I arrived at 6:10. When ones order is completed it's put in a brown bag and placed on top of a counter in front of us, the customers.

Around 6:45 I asked the employee if he had an order for us. "Oh yes, but I forgot to put it out. It was done a half hour ago." I should have learned many years ago to always check what's in the bag. When I got home I placed our food on the kitchen table. When I opened mine the only item in the container was SALAD! They had forgotten the entire ingredients. So, a trip of three miles was necessary. I kind of thought they'd return my money. I was wrong.

Her Majesty left for our Minnesota lake place today. I made a trip to Kroger's to buy my necessaries. You'll recall the closest I get to cooking is the microwave. I bought six pieces of grilled chicken. Then I had to go to Giant Eagle Food for a couple other foods. 

My big mistake in going was I took Charlie with me. As I exited my vehicle I thought to myself, "Uh-oh, Charlie plus chicken equals disaster." It's then that my brain kicked in. I wrapped the chicken in a blanket then wrapped a giant tarp around it. After that I placed my golf bag on top.

When I returned from the store Charlie was on the floor of the front seat, his head down but his eyes sheepishly on me. I knew, I knew, I knew. Somehow, someway he'd gotten into the chicken and I was right. I had bought four thighs and two breasts. He attacked the breasts. Not just the meat but the bones, too.

Guess what will happen next? In 24 hours he'll have diarrhea on the carpet. He'll do it all day outside. He'll feign great illness begging me to let him sit on my lap and then he'll puke one me.

Please dear God, take me now!