Women: Can't Live With 'Em. Can't Leave 'Em On The Curb To Die

Since it's Father's Day I thought I'd write a blog for men only. If you happen to be a wife proceed at your own risk.

Let's face it, husbands, for the most part, are considered stupid. It's been this way for years. I believe it began with television. In the 1950's the dad's were special. Think Father Knows Best, Leave It To Beaver. Did you know that Andy of Mayberry was supposed to be a bumbling idiot along the lines of Barney Fife? When Opie's real dad read the lines for Ron Howard he told the producers the show would be more successful if it wasn't this way and Andy was a decent role model.

Beginning in the 1960's dads were turned into ignorant boobs. The wives and children ruled the roost and it's carried on to this day. Television would have dads walking on all fours if they could.

Anyway, to one degree or another, it's this way in family homes. Aren't you going to ask this question of me, what will The Queen say about this piece? I'm not worried about that pipsqueak. Oh, and the fact that in eight years of writing she has never once read the blog.

I don't know how it is with your wife but allow me to cite a few examples of the man/woman interaction. "Honey, when you open the can with the opener make sure you turn it clockwise. If you don't it won't work". "If you don't wash your hands after cleaning the feces out of the toilet you might get germs and and a severe sickness." "Make sure you put the lid on the paint can. If you don't it might tip over and then it will spill and we'll have a real mess." See what I mean.

So, why don't men fight back and say, "Why don't you shut the f*ck up?"

Really, it's quite simple. They hold things over your head from the day you were married. Her Majesty asked me last week if I remember the time Robin Williams sat next to us at an outdoor restaurant in Scottsdale. "Huh", I said. Then she said, "How could you forget that?" Well I guess I wasn't that impressed with Mr. Williams, that's why. Wives we'll remember every little(or big) stupid thing done by you from the time men say, I do, and Lord knows my screw ups are longer than the book War and Peace.

Back in my coaching days immediately after we were married I was on a number of staffs who very much enjoyed the sports bar after practice or a game. Sometimes we got out of hand. The wife has this little book; date, conversation, how my husband made an ass out him himself.

When my wife asks me to do a chore I'll respond in two ways. First, if it's like work I really don't want to because it's not fun. Secondly, I'll tell her I'll get on that. This means, to me, I'll do it when I get around to it but she'll be appeased for awhile so I'm off the hook until then. Then she'll bring it up again and I'll respond with, "Darn I forget" and do the darn chore.

When I'm totally fed up with her shenanigans and complaining I'll look her straight in the eye and tell her these two words, "Yes dear" I hate when this happens.