The Queen came barging into the bedroom this morning and announced, "It's 8 o'clock, time to get up". I did. An hour later.
When I was a kid, 12 is a good age of reference, I'd jump out of the sack(summer days) at 8 or at 7 if it was a Saturday and I wanted to watch cartoons. I'd brush my teeth and that was it. I was ready for what the day had to bring. Total elapsed time: 15 seconds----- tops.
This morning I crawled into the bathroom, jumped in the showed and toweled off. Then I looked in the mirror and was faced with a four day growth of whiskers. Then I asked myself if I wanted to go about this pain in the rear task or put it off for another day. I shaved. Next up, pill taking. After this the first of my lung inhalers. Next came the second of my lung inhalers. Then it was time to change batteries for my hearing aids.
The biggest chore of the morning is in geting dressed. I should hire a nurse to put on my socks. It is such a struggle to bend over and pull them on and up. And because I can't bend over my toenails grow too long and the nails snag on the sock so I have to pull them off and start all over again. I tried putting on my jeans standing up. I fell over twice.
Total elapsed time to greet the day: too damn long.
When I was a kid we didn't take a daily shower. Sometimes we'd go a week. Our lives changed when we became aware of girls. B.G.(Before Girls) who cared if you smelled like last weeks garbage? My best friend was Dick Musser. He stunk worse than I so we cancelled each other out. Girls messed up my life. They were responsible for me having to brush my teeth every day. Girls were responsible for me not being able to meet the day in 15 seconds.
I wish I was a kid again.
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