Friday, July 31, 2015

Wisconsin's Best Motel

If you've ever read this blog you know I'm an expert on motels. While working I drove 75,000 miles a year and rested my eyes in some good and not so good places.

The cheapest and most ridiculous room was in Brantford, Ontario. The room was pink. The TV antenna was a coat hanger and the place was so small I had to sleep standing up. The cost was $8.00 US currency but since it was 2am in the morning I didn't want to go on a motel hunt.

When the Queen is with me I'll find a place to her liking which usually means well over a hundred dollars. When I'm by myself I go on the cheap. Heck, I've stayed in places so bad I slept in my clothes and top of the spread to save twenty.

On my drive back to Ohio from Minnesota a couple of weeks ago I happened on a place called The Falls Motel in Black River Falls, Wisconsin

Take a close look at the place. Sort of reminds you of the Bates Motel from the movie Psycho, doesn't it? This place is 100% the opposite. Plus, my family doesn't own this string of eleven rooms, either, so no one is beholden to me. Quite frankly this motel is the best place I've parked my car in recent memory.

Don't expect a full breakfast the next morning but there is a continental one in the main office. Those full menu breakfasts add ten bucks to your bill, anyway. There will be no newspapers at your door so go out and buy one.

This is what one receives: A very clean room with a queen sized bed. There is a table with free wifi. A coffee pot with coffee. A shower with clean towels. If you're a smoker each room has a table and chairs located outside the front door. The maid was named Heidi and she received a big tip for the way the room was kept. Oh, yeah, the television has 75 stations. A sign out front said there was a swimming pool but I didn't take the time to check it out. If it had been a mud hole with water it I wouldn't have been bothered because the owners are what we Midwesterners call, "God's people".

So, where exactly is this place, you ask? I'm here to help. Black River Falls is located 90 miles west of Madison on I-94 in western Wisconsin. Exit the interstate south onto Hwy. 54 and go south to the second stop light which is Hwy. 12. Turn left and go one mile then turn left and drive six blocks. The Falls Motel will be on your right.

Trust me when I write you'll love this place. The best news is a room costs $47.00. Can you imagine? You will never, ever have to sleep in your clothes on top of the sheets at The Falls Motel. And that's a promise.

#Lions Lives Matter

I had decided to post one last column about Cecil the Lion but it's just too juicy a story to give up on.
The Council Bluffs Cowboy and I were exchanging emails this morning.

He told me about having to listen to an 80 year old liberal woman extoll the virtues of Bill Clinton. He wasn't certain how the conversation came up but the lady(word used loosely) blamed Monica because she took advantage of the Horn Dog. When the Cowboy mentioned 'the other women' the octogenarian wasn't familiar with any of these. Blame it on Alzheimer's.

Anyway, I sent him a note regarding our new pal, Cecil. It was fortunate for the Minnesota dentist and our population, in general, that the big guy was and where it was aka Africa. What if the lion had been a Black tribal lion but roamed the plains of St. Louis. Worse, what if the doctor's name was Sambo?
Then we'd all be subjected to rioting(especially at the renowned St. Louis Zoo) and thousands of signs reading #Black Lions Lives Matter would be on all the non-watched liberal TV shows.

Just a thought on what might be in this wacky world.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

The Worst Commercial Now Playing On Television

Every time this commercial comes on TV I look for the remote for a quick mute. See if you don't agree. No family is this happy-----ever!

Lion Sonogram

Who will save it from a D&C? Animal rights groups up in arms as plans in the works to sell body parts to worldwide zoo organizations. Send money to 'Stop The Slaughter'.

Cecil The Lion Meets His Maker

The Eden Prairie  Minn. dentist who wantonly slaughtered the African lion, Cecil, has been forced to go into hiding in fear for his life. The famous feline had been an ongoing study for many years by conservationists on the African Plains.

Already today I've been forced to read numerous articles about how the major television networks have given more coverage to the big cat than the abortion videos. This says volumes about our society and priorities.

I feel there's another subject for discussion, one much more serious than Cecil's untimely death by bow and arrow. Are you aware that when a lion takes over a pride it is his duty to kill all the offspring of that lioness that are not his? Lord knows how many of these harmless cubs have had their precious little necks snapped by this murderous predator. Did he eat the remains, too? Let's hope not or he will be the Jeffrey Dahmer of the 21st century in the animal kingdom. Cecil may be responsible for heinous crimes against his breed never before seen in the annals of history. And, I shudder to think how the new king of the pride who will now, like Attila the Hun going after the innocents, destroy Cecil's offspring. Oh, the humanity of it all.

And what about his past history with the population mammalian in general. He allows his mistresses to bring down the antelope and buffalo of the prairie while he reaps the benefits without raising a paw. Slothful is all I can say. It's a major sin don't you know.

There is blame to be placed on this story and it dates back many years. If the movie, Bambi, had not been made then it's probable there would be little animal sympathy for the fallen beast. Think not? Bambi humanized the animal kingdom for all mankind. Animals could now speak, have nurturing mothers and consciences. I wonder if they become Catholic and go to confession.

Now the news begins to come out that this story is not a big thing after all. Safari's are a boon to a countries coffers and does allow for game reserves to replenish their resources. To this date all we are receiving in the way of info comes from mothers holding signs reading, "Remember Cecil" flanked by a small child with the same old bewildered look on their cute little faces.

P.S. Is there any chance this non-story might be a deflection by the MSM away from more meaty stories?

Read an excellent commentary from Matt Walsh

Loving Life In Dublin Ohio

Vacations away from home can be a pain in the posterior unless I visit a destination never before seen. When you visit already seen places and the trip is extended over two weeks the only thoughts I have are what hell it's going to be getting home. Going to Portugal on a river cruise last summer exemplified this. I never wanted to leave the Iberian Peninsula;  have never seen so many fine looking ladies in such a small area and the food was okay, too.

It's now been six days since I returned from the Minnesota lake cabin. Today is the first day I've felt 'normal'; no anxiety, no vacation fatigue, no nuthin'. I might even go for a walk----or not.

My wife returned home from the Gopher State yesterday afternoon. Hooray for me. Want to take a stab on the first thing she did? That's right. She went to bed. Her advantage is she's smaller than I so she recovers more quickly. I'll have her doing dishes, washing clothes and picking up after me in no time.

My long time friend and the best man in my wedding is going to be a grandfather today. It's a boy via his son and some other woman. The child will be named Urban in honor of Urban Meyer. He'll be called Urbie. Lucky for him the coach of the Ohio State Buckeyes isn't named Josef Stalin.

My college roomie and stock brocker from Miami, Oklahoma and his wife arrived home from a trip to the Galapagos Islands this morning. He wrote it was a majestic trip. He and I are both Phy. Ed. grads. He's been to every continent and most all the countries of the world; trips won by his good work. The both of us laugh about our college majors. Heck, we still know guys who concentrated on chemistry, math, and medicine still busting their humps trying to pay their bills and they constantly complain about it. I knew a long time ago my ability to insert a needle in a basketball in concert with an air pump would lead me to the land of milk and honey.

Who'da thunk the both of us would have done so well. I remember the president of our college saying to me as I walked across the stage at commencement, "I hope you make it in life". My thoughts then were, "Up yours, Joe McCabe". Not anymore. As my wife always says, "financial success is the best revenge".

So, now I get a good dose of rest and relaxation before I hop in the car September 10 along with two of my pals. We'll be driving back to the Minnesota lake. I very much need one of them. He's big, strong and full of energy. Someone has to haul in my dock and take the boat in for winter storage. This is when I start believing in the power of the rosary. "C'mon, Jeff, don't fail me now by backing out".

I'm back to full steam and know it because I'm playing all the right angles. Better yet, the wife gave me the go ahead to buy new hearing aids; the ones I lost. Now, if I can con her into giving me the cash out of her account I'll know I haven't lost the touch.

"MJ Hawkeye, you 'da man"!

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Did You Hear The One About..........

The folks out in the State of Washington were forced to accept a $15 dollar minimum wage. Hooray for the little guy and all that jazz they(a few) might say.

The verdict is now in. Those same minimum wage folks aren't to keen on their 'movin' on up' style of life. Many of these hamburger slappers are now out of range of getting their welfare benefits so they want fewer work hours so they can get back on welfare. Isn't this absolutely delicious? Hold the mustard, please.