Let's say MJ Hawkeye, in an earlier portion of his life, was kicked out of the armed forces for drug use. Then, while driving in Arizona I returned a car rental but forgot to take out my meth and pipe. Later on I got a job at $60K per month for knowing nothing thanks to a foreign country. I also was gifted $3.5 million by the wife of the mayor of Moscow, Russian not Idaho for being, well, on the take.
On a lark I knocked up a stripper, wouldn't take responsibility for this action because I was toked up at the time. Oh, I cheated on my wife but that's okay because my dead brother's wife needed me. I married her but that didn't last so I found another babe and married her after a week of frivolity.
Stupid me, and I do these things frequently, I must have been on coke when I took my computer to a repair shop and forgot about it. Danged if incriminating information didn't show up, like, I have to give money I've received from foreign donations to someone called 'The Big Guy'.
And rumor has it there are photos of me on the computer doing child porn. I hope my children don't find out about this.
If all this happened I wonder if Her Majesty would hang in there with me. She probably would because she's that kind of a gal. Now I'm wondering why she just bought a gun permit even though she hates the things. It's probably just my imagination working overtime.
But, now I'm a famous artist. I'm the first guy who's done paintings by blowing, instead of snorting, through a straw. They're so good I'm going to sell them for between $70,000 and $500,00 to 'Somebodies'. Lucky for me my dad was a famous railroad worker and mom was a nurse. With a family like this it's a good reason for me to not have to let people know who is actually buying my paintings.
I would be, without a doubt, the luckiest son(of-a-bitch) in the world.
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