So, after 2 years of mask mandates, it turned out they didn't do anything! Sad!
Don't feel too bad though, because the latest science indicates masks were highly effective at stopping the spread of these ten other things:
1) Ugly Person Sightings: Whew!
2) Celebrity Sightings: Even worse than an ugly person sighting.
3) Procreation: Since we know kissing makes babies and babies destroy the planet, this is great news.
4) Freedom: The dangerous alt-right love of "freedom" must never be allowed to spread.
5) Kids learning how to speak properly: Kids should be seen and not heard.
6) Obnoxious hipster mustaches: It was high time for these to go anyway.
7) The DROPLETS: No! Not the droplets! SAVE US FROM THE DROPLETS!!
8) Mouthed warnings to your kids that you're going to kill them if they don't stop acting like idiots in a public place: We had to do a lot of pinching instead.
9) Talking tough while holding a toothpick in your mouth: Thank God this toxically masculine practice is over.
10) Empathy: Empathy makes us feel for dangerous enemies of the state. No longer!
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