How To Waste Money Without Trying

When it comes to golf I'm a basket case. Truth be told there was a time when I was halfway decent. Ten years ago on a good golf course in Minnesota I shot a 74 from the blue tees and bogeyed the last two holes. In 2019 the only way this could be accomplished is if I took a golf ball and walked up a fairway and dropped it at the 250 yard maker. Then I'd look at the green, pick up the ball and walk again. I'd drop the ball on the green and look at the hole. Depending on whether or not I wanted a par or birdie I'd pick up said ball and drop it where I desired. Then I'd pick up the ball and place it in the hole. Victory!

Today, I have a tough time breaking 100. Seriously! I go to the golf range and practice, practice, practice but to no avail. In the vernacular of today I suck!

There's an old saying about insanity; doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That's me on the golf course.

Yesterday, again, I took a golf lesson--------for the 10,000th time. I've taken so many lessons I could write a book. The lesson I took was at the Schrock Road driving range in Westerville, Ohio. I've been hitting balls there since 1989. It's about one of the finest ranges a guy could find and there's a group of fellas who talk my kind of language. We get along.

Anyway, I picked one man to give me a lesson. I'd seen him the day before and my reasons are circumspect at best. His name is David Proffitt and he has it engraved on his golf bag. He had huge forearms. He had surrounded himself with a slew of training aids. "What do I have to lose", I thought, except more money?

Every golf instructor has a different method of teaching. If you don't believe me check out a Golf Digest or Golf Magazine every month. There is no proper way or method a guy can't use to become the next Jack Nicklaus.

Proffitt has the proper pedigree. He played at the Univ. of Houston on the same team as ex-professionals; John Mahaffey and Fuzzy Zoeller. That's what he told me so who am I to doubt his veracity. Heck, if a guy told me he was the reincarnation of Arnold Palmer and he'd help my game I'd believe him.

So, I had my lesson. David had me doing things I'd never before done. I didn't do these tricks when I shot the 74 but I'm paying him so I shut up and went with the flow.

I signed up for another lesson for tomorrow. David's charging price was only $40. I tipped him another ten and he took it.

Here's what is going to happen. I know after four lessons I'll be hitting the ball as well as my 82 year old friend-----on the practice range. We played the other day. He has cancer and shot an 80 from the white tees. I'll meet him at the course and put into my mind the lessons I learned from Mr. Proffit and proceed to shoot a 99.

This, for me, won't be a problem. There are all kinds of teachers of the game who are willing to take my money. In time I'll find another instructor who will have other Houdini methods for getting good and I'll hire him.

I think I know why the clubs made in the early 1900's were made of wood. In frustration guys could easily burn them. For a fella like me a guy can always find a lake on the course.

I have just enough competitiveness in my body to know that hope springs eternal. Let's hope it works out.