Fat Monday

 I'm getting a jump on Fat Thursday with Fat Monday. Since it's Thanksgiving Week I'm going to take advantage of not counting calories. I've made that executive decision to shove as much and as many pounds of caloric nonsense in my pie hole as is humanly possible. Why do that, you may ask? Well, let's look back in history to give you an insight about my weight and trying to lose it.

When I jumped on the bathroom scale this morning, which isn't often, reality bit. It smacked me so hard me this morning I cursed violently. My weight history has been one of consistent up and down. I've weighed as little as 7 lbs. 11 oz and as much as 267. Trust me when I write that last part wasn't pretty but it was in 1993 and it's a distant memory--sort of. At present I'm at 215 and I've had enough. If I put on 5 pounds more I'll have to break out my personal supply of brassieres. 

Beginning this Friday, post Thanksgiving, I'm going to go on the infamous Keto diet. I've done it before; the last time being in 2016. My own personal scale at that time showed I was at 227. Seventy-nine days later I was at 178. I felt like a stallion and ran, even at age seventy, like a gazelle----well, as fast as a seventy year old gazelle can run.

I don't like doing this weight loss thing because it's not fun. But give me two weeks of a Spartan life and i'll be on my way to success. The cravings of late night whipped cream on graham crackers will be gone. Oh heck, why lie. The graham crackers are only my dessert. Those would be preceded by a peanut butter and cheese sandwich and a bag of Doritos. For the past three months I've gotten in the habit of waking at 2 a.m.. and telling myself the only way I can get back to sleep is for something to be in my stomach so I'll trot downstairs for a Big Mac or whatever I can get my hands on. Microwaved gravy works, too.

The only reason I'm putting this story out there is because you'll know what I'm doing and my pride is at stake. One thing I do know about me is when I make up my mind to do something I can. One time I promised myself I'd eat a bucket of KFC at one sitting and I did.

Let the fun begin. I won't broach this subject again until April 1. By then I'll be looking slimmer than Twiggy in her prime. And if I don't you'll never know.