Gettin' Prepped For Gettin' Cut

Today's the day before the big day. It's 8:15 am, twenty-four hours exactly, before my hip replacement. The house is loaded with various pre-surgery items. I like my hospital bed. It has an electric apparatus so the head of the mattress goes up and down. Ditto for the feet. My surgeon says I have to sleep on my back for six weeks. Is he nuts or what! I have never, ever, in sixty-four years, slept on my back at night. It's like being in the military, 'left-right-left-right', and the switch comes at the fifteen minute mark--all night long. My poor mother must have been in misery when I was in the womb.
Our neighbor, Doc B., had his hip done six weeks ago by the same guy doing mine and he said it's a piece o' cake. You know why? He played football for Woody Hayes at Ohio State. I played touch ball in the back yard; big difference. He's tough, I'm a sissy.
I have other props. There's an extension to put on the commode so I don't have to sit too low. There are handles on the side so I don't fall off onto the floor. I think this might be beneficial. We'll find out on a daily basis, I hope.
I have a trapeze gizmo above the bed. This could provide a duel benefit. It'll help me move around easily and maybe I can finally get a bicep by doing curls lying down. I've got other things, too. A long pole with a shoe horn on it. I also have this really cool pole with a hook on the end that looks like a claw. It opens and closes. I think I can make up games with both. I could throw marbles on the floor and see how many I can pick up in so many seconds. It'd be like Bud Collier and the 1950's TV game show, "Beat The Clock".
I have noticed one thing. I haven't received one phone call from friend or family promising to say a rosary for me or, offering to send me money, desserts, golf clubs, or sympathy. You don't imagine, and I am going out on a limb on this, that my hip replacement isn't such a big deal after all? Until someone tells me different I'm going to milk it for what it's worth. I've been practicing for a couple of weeks on different sympathy techniques. How does "Honey, would you get me another piece of pie" sound?