Paraprosdokian Sentences

This forward was sent to me by my favorite Storm Lake, Iowa family member. It's so good I included it in my blog site; most likely because I'd never heard of 'paraprosdokian'.

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.

Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove you don't need it.
Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine