Old People And Glasses

I've worn glasses since I was nine years old. In 1955 it seemed like a status symbol or so my parents thought. I believe that. It's kind of like my parents saying, "Guess what, my son has had two broken legs and prostrate cancer". Isn't he lucky?

In 1964 I probably made one of the dumbest purchases of my life. Contact lenses were new on the scene and Boone, Iowa had an optometrist named Dr. Jack Cummings who talked me into buying a set. Dr. Cummings along with my girlfriend I should add.

I was working at Percival Refrigeration and Mfgr. that summer after high school graduation. I made the grand total of $400.00 and I spent the entire wad on one pair of contacts. It really wasn't my fault. My girlfriend was a fantastic necker. The contacts were the size of quarters and and not much less in thickness. Putting them in my eyes was tantamount to building the first Brooklyn Bridge. It was hard work and when I tried to look straight ahead I couldn't. I held my head up high to alleviate the pain.

Six months later I flushed the critters down the toilet and went back to cheaters and have stayed that way since.

In February of 2018 I purchased another pair of glasses, my thousandth pair. Guinness says I hold the record. Forget that I had three other pair lying around the house but where I don't know. The new pair I bought lasted two months. One evening I took them off by gingerly grabbing one of the bows. It snapped. I tried Gorilla Glue but to no avail. Naturally I went back to the guy who sold them to me for a refund. It was at Costco. I'll never forget his answer. "Tough luck, buddy". I'll have to remember that response the next time I screw over someone.

Today, I picked up another pair of glasses. They'll last a week before I put them down and forget where. It's my modus operandi.

Here's the point. If you want to lose or misplace things give the me. I'm an expert.