Time Flies Even When You're Bored

 It's been one year today that I was a guest of former heavyweight boxing champion, Larry Holmes, at his charity golf outing. Don't ask how it is I was a guest because I don't feel like writing about it but it's so. My buddy who is at the event today asked me to go again this year but I turned him down for the simple reason that the second go round is never as good as the original.

Actually, I'm sitting on our couch and noticed the shirt I'm wearing is the same one I wore to the outing except there's one difference. A year ago last April I went on one of those quick fix diets. You know what I mean, right? I spent $500 on food shipped to my home; lost 25 lbs. and today I'm back to where I was in weight 15 months ago. Know what this means? Well, it means I'll have to decided if I want to be a fat slob trying to find shirts that don't show off my hooters. The change will come in body size. All I need is an impetus. Something like, "MJ, are you trying out for the movie, Fatty Arbuckle Lives?"

The mother of one of my high school friends once told me, "Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes." At the time I chuckled. Isn't it funny how a statement like that today can make a grown man cry?

Therefore, this next six months is going to be defining for me in terms of self-improvement. Hah! I lied. It'll be the same every day; coffee, Charlie's walk, avoiding CNN and a continuation of whatever I feel like doing.

Do you know what's cool about being old? I can say things to people today I couldn't say when I was much younger. For instance, a couple weeks ago Charlie and I went to the dog park. When we're a half mile or so from the entrance he gets all excited thinking about what lies ahead: will there be new butts for him to sniff and other junk like that. Anyway, when I opened the car door he jumped out and ran across a bike path. A bulbous 50 something on his bike nearly hit him. And then Fatso yelled at me, "Get a leash!" Well, anyone over age 70 is allowed to say to the whippersnapper's, "Go fu*k youself" without fear of reprisal. I think it's a time honored law that oldsters can say whatever without fear of being mashed into pulp. Try it sometime. It might be fun.