The Green Plan: No More Farting Cows

Ed Markey(Aged-Mass.) and Alexandrio Ocasio Cortes(fake blond-NY) have come up with the ultimate Green Plan. We'll see how Americans jump on board or vote these people back in office.

• Ban affordable energy. GND calls for the elimination of all fossil fuel energy production, the lifeblood of American industry and life, which includes not only all oil but also natural gas — one of the cheapest sources of American energy.
• Eliminate nuclear energy. The GND also calls for eliminating all nuclear power, one of the only productive and somewhat affordable “clean” energy sources available to us, in 11 years. This move would purge around 20 percent of American energy production so you can rely on intermittent wind for your energy needs.
• Eliminate 99 percent of cars. To be fair, under the GND, everyone will need to retrofit their cars with Flintstones-style foot holes or pedals for cycling. The authors state that the GND would like to replace every “combustion-engine vehicle” — trucks, airplanes, boats, and 99 percent of cars — within ten years. 
• Gut and rebuild every building in America. Markey and Cortez want to “retrofit every building in America” with “state of the art energy efficiency.”
• Eliminate air travel. GND calls for building out “highspeed rail at a scale where air travel stops becoming necessary.” Good luck Hawaii! California’s high-speed boondoggle is already in $100 billion dollars of debt, and looks to be one of the state’s biggest fiscal disasters ever. Amtrak runs billions of dollars in the red (though, as we’ll see, trains will also be phased out). Imagine growing that business model out to every state in America?
• A government-guaranteed job. The bill promises the United States government will provide every single American.
• Free education for life. GND promises free college or trade schools for every American.
• A salubrious diet. The GND promises the government will provide “healthy food” to every American.
• A house. The GND promises that the government will provide, “safe, affordable, adequate housing” for every American citizen.
• Free money. The GND aims to provide, and I am not making this up, “economic security” for all who are “unable or unwilling” to work. Just to reiterate: if you’re unwilling to work, the rest of us will have your back.
• Bonus insanity: Ban meat. Cows fart so by getting rid of them the ozone layer is saved.