Television Gadgets That Suck

There are some who are skeptical when it comes to buying items from TV ads. I'm one of those guys but I do it anyway.

There's be an ad playing lately selling the Swifty Sharp knife sharpener. Not only can you hone your knives to perfection the ad says it will also work on scissors and garden tools. It doesn't.

Once again, it took me $14.95 plus shipping to figure it out. I sort of assumed the Swifty ran on electrical power. It takes 4 AA batteries. I have more power in my hand than 4 AA batteries.

 I inserted and gave my fishing knife a rocking motion according to the directions. There was minimal pressure as the knife hit the grinding stone and then it happened. The Swifty stopped. The grinder came to a complete halt. The only thing to be heard was me swearing.

I can send it back but I'll have to pay more shipping. There is a box in the garage of things I've ordered over the years. It's a space taker. Someday, thousands of years from now all the crap I've purchased will be in a museum and labeled: 'Stupid things MJ Hawkeye bought'.

Did you buy one of those plastic pillow shaped bags water filled? If so, then welcome to the club. It's placed inside your pillow to simulate the 'as cool as the other side of the pillow' effect. It's in the garage now, too. I think the original water is still in it along with whatever algae and bacteria has built up over the years.

In 1992 I began developing one of those tires around the waist. A secretary at my company told me about a waist band, battery operated, that sends constant electric shocks to your waist thus eliminating ugly fat. After a month of use the waist band found itself in the garage. I keep thinking I can pawn it off to other suckers. That one was $25.95.

As a practical joke I bought my son an electric ear cleaner and got one for myself as a bonus gift. Those two are still in the box because I was too embarrassed to give it to him. Besides, a Q-tip or hair pin works just was well.

Word to the wise; never watch television commercials after midnight. You're bank account won't last a month.

I am and continue to be a salesman's best friend.