A few days ago in a blog piece I mentioned a conversation I once had whereby someone asked me, "What's the dumbest thing you've ever done in your life"? And my response is always, "Drunk or sober".
As I was putting in my hearing aids a few minutes ago one of those moments popped into my head. Her Majesty and I used to winter in Destin, Florida. I write 'used to' because the last time we were on the Emerald Coast was in 2015. I was golfing with some buddies in February--while it was snowing!
Anyway, two years before that I was also golfing with a guy from Parkville, Missouri who has since become a good friend. We were at a course in Ft. Walton Beach and had just concluded our round. I put in one hearing aid but couldn't find the other. That's panic time. The aids cost $3,000 each. It's not as though I'd lost a pack of Wrigley's Spearmint. I looked and looked. I searched the grounds then went to the starters booth to see if anyone had turned it in. No such luck. I did the same at thee pro shop. Nada!
I'm sweating bullets at this time so I walked my steps back trying to remember when and where I'd removed them. "Aha", I thought, "I took them out on the first tee right before we teed off. The first tee was quite a distance from the clubhouse and our cart couldn't go fast enough for me. When we arrived I explained to this starter my situation. Being that he was an codger like me his concern was great. He then rounded up fifteen other guys to help look for the elusive aid. We were all down our hands and knees sifting through grasses and weeds. All I could think about was lost money.
After fifteen minutes or so my right ear began to itch. I extended my forefinger to scratch it when lo and behold I felt the lost hearing aid. Evidently, when I put them in at the original starters gate I put the 'lost' one in first then the second but in that massive interval of ten seconds I'd forgotten about the first one.
Now what do I do? There was only one course of action. It was brilliance on my part and I pulled it off thee way Houdini did his magic. I slowly crawled to a railroad tie beside the cart path and slid the ear cheater alongside. And then with a might joyful yell I announced, "I FOUND IT!. All the others began cheering and pounded me on my backside proclaiming how lucky I was.
There's no moral to this story. I've told no one about the faux pas except the Queen and you. And if I ever find out you related this to another person I'll kill you dead.
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