Could It Be The Vile Vortex

Every December, a week prior to Christmas, my wife and I get together for lunch with the same couple to exchange gifts. We both had December weddings. He was best man in mine and I in his. Together we have a combined eighty-seven years of marital something depending on which spouse is questioned. For instance, my wife and I celebrated our forty-fifth yesterday. I awakened and said, "Happy 45th anniversary". She replied, "Is that all it's been"?

Our couples lunch took place at an upscale restaurant called McCormick and Schmicks in the Easton Town Centre in Columbus. The venue is elegant and our server was very professional. It's the kind of place where a cup of clam chowder goes for half a month's social security check.

Anyway, toward the end of lunch my buddy's wife said, "Have you heard about the Vile Vortex? I'm familiar with the word vile since more than once I've been accused of being exactly that. Since the definition of  vortex sounds cerebral I knew I was clueless so I asked for an explanation. According to this lady there are either ten or twelve(depending on a source) geographic areas of the globe centered around the equator. What I'm about to explain is tricky so I'll use my best basic kindergarten verbiage. These unseen areas are composed of magnetic forces that suck in objects to only God knows where. It's unknown if they originated when the earth was created or, and this is spooky stuff, aliens may have placed them here millions of years ago.

Do you remember the movie, Close Encounters of The Third Kind? At the end of the film hundreds of earthlings came walking off the space ship. They had been missing for decades, not aging a day since they had gone missing. Were the aliens responsible for the Vile Vortex? Could be, or not.

Were all familiar with The Bermuda Triangle. Hundreds of ships and planes flying over or sailing on it have disappeared. The Bermuda Triangle is a part of the Vile Vortex as is the area where the Malaysian planes have disappeared. The large human type rock forms on Easter Island are also a part of the Vile Vortex. I told you it was spooky but you didn't believe me, did you?


My friend's wife asked me if I was fearful about the earth being consumed by these unseemly forces and we'd all die? I told her, "Not really. We're all going to die and going through a vortex might be the same as walking into a cornfield with a group of long dead baseball players. After all, I'd love playing catch with Shoeless Joe Jackson.

 On this particular day, though, my heart was aching as I wondered about the present and what might be. What most certainly put fear in my heart was if I didn't have the money to pay for the clam chowder let alone my wife's lobster salad. Then I began praying like Francis of Assisi hoping the 13th Vile Vortex was at the epicenter of McCormick and Schmicks. Money and a lack thereof is a darned good reason to pray even if I'm looking at a journey to the center of the earth.