It's Lent

My wife gets into Lent. She gives things up. This year she's going without a glass of wine. She might indulge in a glass or two per week and appreciates a fine chardonnay. For six weeks, though, it will be nothing. I always know that I'm going to get the big question: :"Mike, what are you giving up?". I hate when this happens. Sometimes, I can get by with saying it'll be choclolate bar but I rarely eat the junk. Lizzie knows better than to accept my answer of, "squash". I don't like squash. The same goes for egg plant only ten times worse than squash.
Today I goofed up. I started with, "I won't eat any sugar or bread" but that didn't work since it'll soon be March and Elizabeth knows that's my weight loss month. She had me. I crave Orville Redenbacher popcorn the way Obama craves nicotine. I buy boxes of the stuff and look for the one that has the Carolina blue band around the bottom. It's the best. I eat a bag of corn daily. I've done this for years. Liz suggested I give up popcorn. My back was against the wall and I was stuttering and stammering, hoping to come up a miracle lenten sacrifice. I was busted. It's going to be a long six weeks and stock in Redenbacher will plummet but a promise is a promise even if given grudgingly. Things could be worse. I could be a practicing muslin. Those dudes are goofy about Ramadan.