In The ABC News War Room

By BigFurHat@iOwnTheWorld

ABC News Producer - Check all available information sources for the name James Holmes, Aurora, Colorado
Lackey #1 – I’ve found a James Holmes on Garrison Road.
ABC News Producer – What’s his party affiliation?
Lackey #1 – Independent.
ABC News Producer – Not good enou – er That’s not him.
Lackey #1 – How do you know?
ABC News Producer – ABC News Producer sixth sense, my boy. I have a nose for news.
Lackey #2 – We have a Jim Holmes in Littleton.
ABC News Producer – Tell me more.
Lackey#2 – NRA member
ABC News Producer – Good. Anything else?
Lackey #2- Mormon
ABC News Producer – Oh, this is our guy. Anything else?
Lackey #2 – Democrat
ABC News Producer – Damn. It’s not him.
Lackey #2 – How do you know?
ABC News Producer – Nose for news. Remember?
Lackey #1 – I have a Jim Aaron Homes from Denver. TEA Party member. NRA member and has a blog called “ReturnToLiberty.”
ABC News Producer – THAT’S HIM!. You nailed it. You are going places kid.
Lackey #2 – Hey, wait. I have a James Eagan Holmes.
ABC News Producer – It’s not him.
Lackey #2 – Owns a Batman suit.
ABC News Producer – It’s not him.
Lackey #2- Owns an AK-47
ABC News Producer – It’s not him.
Lackey #2 – He’s in police custody.
ABC News Producer – It’s not him.
Lackey #2 – He’s been identified.
ABC News Producer – It’s not him. Kid, you just don’t have what it takes. It’s the Jim Homes guy. The TEA Party guy.
Hello, Herb? Patch me through to Tiny Blowdry on the earpiece..
Hello, George? We’ve got him. Tell Ross it’s TEA party member Jim Homes of Denver.
I don’t care if they have the shooter in custody. Just say TEA PARTY goddammit.
SLAM!
Isn’t there anyone else with a nose for news in this godforsaken world???