Golf: 'Uh-Oh' Things You Don't Want To Hear

I'm taking a vacation from not catching fish so I made a trip into town to hit some golf balls at the range. After finishing I decided to do a little hawking; hoping to find some ProV1's.
I knew this would be a difficult task since most of the golfers are not very good and they use 1970's Top Flites. They're the kind of guys, who, when they go to the local casino, play the 5 cent slots. They're nice and most of them are are the downside of seventy. You'll see them at your local main street every morning on a bench; discussing the days events for four hours. Attire is bib overalls with a John Deere cap tilted to one side. My buddy's wife calls them "The Dead Pecker Society".
But I digress.
While walking through tall grass, muddy creeks and prickly things I started thinking about statements one doesn't want to hear on a golf course. Most often it's centered around a misplayed shot. There was a book written a few years ago called, "How To Line Up Your Fourth Putt". It's scary to think about it but it's happened to me a couple of times. My very worst golf hole was at Duck Creek Park in Davenport, Iowa circa 1976; took a 16 on #18. And I only used three mulligans.
I hear this a lot on the course. "I wouldn't go in there. You might get poison ivy". Truth be told I'm immune to poison ivy. Poison oak is another thing, though. The next one is geographical; "Watch out for snakes". You have to be playing below the Mason-Dixon Line for this to kick in.
Have you ever heard a golfer say this after a swing? "Where'd it go"? Not good. Another one is, "Did it go in the water", followed very quickly with, "Where do I drop"? I hate when that happens. One big difference between professionals and me is when I'm hitting for a green I'll yell, "Get up, get up". This means I didn't hit it far enough. "Pro's will yell, "Sit down, sit down". You get the picture.
One of the sorriest things I've ever seen on a golf course took place in Myrtle Beach South Carolina five years ago. My friend suggested I play in the World Amateur Dupont golf tournament. Five thousand golfers, men and women, participated. On the last day the twosome playing with my partner and I finished the 18th hole. One golfer keeps the other guy's score. This one fella from Wisconsin forgot to write a 4 on the card for his partners 18th hole. Instead he added up his score in his head and put the total for the round in the 18th hole slot. Instead of a 78 the final total came to 142. Ouch! The receiver of the bad luck didn't check it and signed the card. The winner of the tournament won a house in Myrtle Beach. The guy with the 142 wasn't the winner.
There might a good lesson in this entire posting based on Samuel Clemens remark about the game. "Golf is a good walk spoiled".