You Might Be A Liberal/Progressive If:

Apologies to Arnold Ahlert at Jewish Word Review for editing his article. It's length precluded the entire post. Regardless, it's truth is so humorous it's almost sickening. Enjoy.

Since liberals/progressives insist on telling ordinary Americans what we ostensibly believe in — as in most of us are racist, stupid, xenophobic, jingoistic dim-bulbs — I thought I'd return the favor. In no particular order, a laundry list of cherished, liberal nostrums. With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, you're a liberal/progressive if you believe:

"legal" and "illegal" alien are interchangeable terms. For you, any attempt to restrict illegal immigration is inherently racist.

that any law with which you disagree should be ignored or overturned by an activist judiciary. If you don't like a law, you don't have to obey it — period.

having an armed criminal population and a disarmed public makes that public safer.

increased government spending is the path to prosperity. It doesn't matter how many times this Keynesian economic model has failed.

a public school student who comes to the conclusion that 2+2=5 should get partial credit — for putting the numbers in the right order or proper usage of the "plus" and "equal" signs.

a fetus and a human being are two completely different things, and that anyone old enough to get pregnant is old enough to have an abortion without any parental involvement whatsoever.

telling our enemies when we'll be withdrawing our troops from Iraq and Afghanistan is "sound" military strategy; giving mass murdering, non-uniformed, international terrorists Constitutional protections and civilian trials is a good thing; the mainstream media publishing top-secret information in the middle of a war isn't irresponsible; the United States is as much to blame for international terror as the terrorists themselves; that the formerly "good war" in Afghanistan is now as bad as the "bad war" in Iraq, which was fought strictly for oil; and that Iran should be allowed to acquire nuclear weapons because "fair is fair."

a health care bill which completely ignores billions of savings that would have been produced by tort reform, collects ten years of funding for six years of spending, separates billion of dollars in physician payments into another bill, and insures an additional thirty-two million people — Americans and illegals alike — is really "revenue neutral."

the Bush administration "dropped the ball" with respect to Hurricane Katrina, but the Obama administration was on the BP oil spill "from day one." It was "all Bush's fault" that then-Governor of Louisiana Katherine Blanco rejected his offer to put troops in New Orleans two days before the hurricane struck.

America's "addiction to oil" has nothing to do with technological reality, and that we can snap our fingers and a "green energy" future will magically appear.

mortgages should be made available to people who can't afford them.

the mainstream media is completely unbiased — except for Fox News.

common sense and common decency are no match for an Ivy League education. Anyone who hasn't attended the "right schools" is a knuckle-dragging Neanderthal "clinging" to guns and religion, a racist "tea-bagger," or complete idiot incapable of taking care of himself.

Americans are inherently stupid. While this is similar to the preceding idea, it needs to be mentioned separately for one important reason: it is your fundamental rationale for the exponential expansion of government. You are completely comfortable with government ordering Americans to live a particular lifestyle you consider healthy and/or enlightened. Anyone who disagrees with any component of your worldview is to be pitied for their "lack of insight," or held in contempt for their "obvious" intellectual shortcomings.

anything which casts America in a positive light is automatically circumspect. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you believe all societies and cultures are "equally viable," and anything which even hints at American exceptionalism, or patriotism — including the singing of the National Anthem in public schools — is to be condemned as "imperialistic jingoism."

competition is repugnant. Everyone is entitled to a trophy, honors classes in schools should be less "restrictive" and keeping score in sporting contests is too injurious to a child's self-esteem.

right and wrong are "relative," all morality is "individual," and government is a viable substitute for personal responsibility.