Abbreviated Text Of 'Arab Spring' Speech

12:16 pm: Obama spikes the Bin Laden football.

— Hails Tunisian man who set himself on fire.
— Compares Arab uprisings to Boston Tea Party and Rosa Parks.
— “Change can not be denied” Where have we heard that before?

— Zzzzzzzzzz

— Sorry about that, just nodded off.

— We can’t impose regime change by force like we did in Iraq. Except in Libya.
— We’re bringing Democracy to Libya.
— “Real reform does not come at the ballot box alone”
— We’re going to sprinkle magic pixie dust on the region or something.
— Hails Muslim-Christian relationship in Egypt. Yes, really.
— Does NOT condemn violence against Coptic Christians in Egypt.
— We’re going to modernize economies in Egypt and Tunisia.
— We will relieve Egypt of $1 billion in debt. We will lend them another $1 billion.
— “Palestinians suffer the humiliation of occupation.”
— Condemns Israeli settlement construction.
— Israel can’t continue “permanent occupation.”
— “The state of Palestine for Palestinian people.”
— “We believe in the 1967 lines for a future Palestinians state.”
— Middle East uprisings like American revolution or something.
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