"Cheat, Cheat, Cheaters"

 Let's face it. Cheating is a way of life. It happens on a daily basis in all forms. As a high school lad in the 1960's there was sign hanging over the coaches room office reading: 'Cheaters Never Win And Winners Never Cheat'. It sounded good at the time but reality bites, doesn't it. Take a look around and tell me cheating doesn't happen. Ever heard of Enron? And that's the tip of the iceberg.

I never cheated in high school in my studies. If I happened to get an A or B in a subject my cover would have been blown so I went with the flow but cheating comes in all forms.

As a second year high school baseball coach in 1969 my team was playing a game at Rembrant High School. We loaded the bases. the 3rd baseman was playing ten feet behind the bag so I had our batter bunt home a run. You'd think their coach would move the player in a bit but he didn't so we bunted successfully again and then a third time. From their dugout I heard their coach yell, "Cheat, cheat, cheaters." I laughed. Her Majestey who was then my betrothed laughed which was funny because she knew nothing about baseball. 

When I was in college at Coe and taking a methods of something or other class from the Phy Ed Department one of the guys thought he could get a copy of the test prior to the exam. Well, we're siting in the class not knowing if it was the correct test or not when all of a sudden the thief of the test in a muffled, gutteral tone yells out, "Same". Not once but twice. It was like something out of the movie, Animal House, but happened ten years priot to its release.

There's a scandal brewing at the United States Military Academy over cheating on a math exam. It might even be calculus which is important with my final analysis.

Seventy cadets have been accused and twenty-four of them are on the Black Knights football team. Take note the squad is having an incredible season and tops it off this New Year's Eve with a bowl game.

When in doubt about information always go to an expert source about the Army and cheating so I called my high school buddy this morning to get his take on the perceived scandal. He's a graduate of the United States Military Academy so he knows of what he speaks. I asked him what would have happened to he or his buddies if caught cheating in 1966 and he responded with, "We'd have been bounced out of school." This occurred in a cheating scandal in 1976.

But, today he said, the guys will most likely get a slap in the hand. He didn't say this but I'm thinking a lot of this has to do with online exams during the pandemic and the culture of participation trophies.

So, what should be the punishment in 2021? I've come up with what I believe would be appropriate based on the subjects in which the cheating happened. Let's say the test was in calculus. Heck, I'd give these guys a medal for creativity and a week-end pass to a whorehouse. Cheating in calc is something I'd do. I don't even know what calculus is or what it does but it sounds like something Euclid or some other Greek dufus devised. Now, let's say a guy cheats in Military Science. That's important at the Army. I mean, let's say you have a group of guys at Bastogne. Wouldn't it be nice to know what Gen. MacAuliffe said and why?

Finally, and this requires the most severe punishment. If the Cadets cheated on a 'Methods of Ankle Taping' then I believe they should be subjected to having their nut sack sliced open. Never, ever cheat in a physical education exam. Marie Antoinette did and look what happened to her.

Sometimes I amaze myself at the solutions I have to offer society.

Happy New Year everyone.