How To Get The Girl

 Now that Christmas is concluded I've learned much from watching the Christmas movies about how a guy can get the girl. Forget the old tale about 'the guy chases a girl until she catches him'. These are bona fide 100% methods. Trust me when I say they work.

Off the cuff I'd say a fella should forget about expensive sweaters or jewelry. A better more appreciated present would be a Christmas tree ornament. Better yet, tell her it's been in the family for generations even if this is a lie. If she's with you on Christmas Eve put it in a box, wrap it and hand it to her. Caution: make certain you take the Dollar Store tag off it.

Trim the tree and ask her to help. While doing so let her know Christmas is your very favorite time of year. When she isn't looking dab moisture on your cheek from a wet Kleenex as if you have a tear. After this walk over to your desk where you keep the snow globe. Ask her to turn it over. They love this.

Ask Miss Wonderful if she'd like some cocoa. If she responds with, "Do you have whipped cream to go with it" you're in like Flynn.

Don't have a puppy? Rent one. Girls are crazy about guys who have a dog. No other pet will work. Cats, lizards, turtles, gold fish; fughetabout it!

If a guy finds a quiet moment tell her about your favorite memories growing up. Make sure you include the stocking filled with a family picture. Then, quietly get up from the couch, open a dresser drawer and pull out said picture. Trust me when I write her heart will race with joy.

Bake cookies. don't let her see you in the process. Buy them ahead of time at Kroger's then tell her it's your favorite thing to do at this joyous time of year.

Remember: Never tip your hand. Let her make the first move. Play hard to get. Let her come in for the kiss.

It's no wonder I was such a klutz with the fairer sex as a young man. All I had to go with was Gene Autrey singing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and The Chimpmunk song. Our movies centered around Charles Dickens Christmas Story. Ghosts weren't all that romantic in our world. We only had one other recourse; give her three glasses of wine.