Naming Names Ain't Easy

As 2018 winds down the news media and their television counterparts gear their agendas toward listings. You know what I mean: the best and worst movies of the year, those who have passed on, those and those they wish had.

I was looking at a list of popular baby names for 2019 compared with those for years gone by. I guess it depends on one's ethnicity about what name your kid is thrust upon them. Want to know how to screw up people who live hundreds of miles away from you? If you have a baby and are Caucasian name your kid De'Quanjo or Muhammed.

In 1974 in one of my history classes at Ottumwa High School we started about talking about names. I said, "If you give your kid a cool name chances are pretty good he or she will be cool. For instance, If you named your daughter Paige that's good. The same went for Lance. But, if you name your child Bertha or Jeeves; well, you figure it out.

One of the great all-time female high school girls basketball players in Iowa was named Fonda. What a cruel joke by her parents. They were either very naive or wanted their child to be bullied for her entire life. The family name was Dicks. It gets worse. The girl herself continued on with the humility. She married a guy named Peters. It had to be true love. I'm thinking of the first time they met and what he and she we're thinking. If it was me and I happened to be Fonda I would have said, "I'm outta here".

We, Her Majesty and I, were blessed with three children. If we had a female for our first child I suspect the Queen knew before she married me she'd get the call on the name. So, we got a Mary Louise except the only time I ever heard that name was the day she got married. It was always Molly.

I got the second name. I came up with Matthew; probably because in the early 70's that was the go to name. I really didn't give it much thought. I only knew it wouldn't be something like Shorty or Stub; very uncool.

When our last was born name naming flipped back to the wife. It was Alex Kingston. I wouldn't have come up with that one but her dad's name was Alec and Kingston came from Old England. They had a long ago relative who had this for a last name and was the keeper of the tower. In other words, he chopped off heads of criminals.

That son has a son named Kingston Michael. Most people call him King. No big deal. Did I tell you he's going to be very cool when he grows up?

My son, the one who named his son Kingston went to Catholic high school in Columbus, Ohio. There was a kid named Matthew Liberator in his class. My wife thinks that's the greatest name ever.

Not me. In 1968 or 1969 there was a football player at Brigham Young University, name of Lucky Dare Fleming. That's when I made up my mind if I ever got married and had a son that would be his name. About a month before we became engaged I mentioned this to my future wife and she said A-OK.

You have to remember though, before we were engaged, she told me she absolutely loved sports and fishing. Last night I was watching a college football bowl game and she asked me who was playing basketball.

The moral of the story is the man makes some decisions and the woman others. She lets me decide on bread, wheat or white. Ice cream, chocolate or vanilla. She does the rest.