Let's Face It. I'm A God

 It must have been a year and a half ago my buddy and I were at the Pastime Tap in Worthington, Ohio watching college football. The place has eight big screen TV's and a different game on each one. It's a dream come true for football fans. Sitting next to me at a table was an elderly gentleman, and I say that with great respect because I was yanking the chain of 73. Anyway, a not ugly waitress walked by and he said to me, "When it comes to looking at women a guy never gets old." He didn't need to tell me. I'm the leader in looking at hot babes. It's the reason why when Her Majesty and I are out I always make her walk ahead of me.

Youth is so fleeting. So much so that I want to shake it by the throat and shove it down mine again----just one more time.

I read an interesting article last night that gave romance a hope. What was presented was men over the age of 65 when looking at women notice first, are you ready, their face. Know why? Because we're shallow. They could have a booty bigger than the Queen Mary, breasts large than Mae West and legs long as the Brooklyn Tunnel but the face is it for guys. I remember a bit of wisdom my mother imparted to me when I was a teenager. She said, "When looking for a spouse find one with a nice personality." I said, "Are you outta your mind."

Now, ladies, go ahead and read and think about what makes men over 65 most attractive. The article said that young women first notice the pecs. I can understand that. It's why I never took off my shirt. But old guys are different. Women don't look for guys with money(surprise), manicured hands and feet, guys who aren't fat slobs. It doesn't matter to women if an eligible man is a trucker or a mobster, either.

Here it is. The sexiest, most wanted of all. The guys that turn on the old dolls are the ones who have:

And who doesn't know about hair? MJ Hawkeye is the expert when it comes to cultivating the perfect coiffe. 

How important is hair? Some folks have made millions and millions off it.

'She asks me why I'm just a hairy guy
I''m hairy, noon and night, hair, that's a fright
I'm hairy, high and low, don't ask me why, don't know
It's not for lack of bread like the Grateful Dead, darlin'

Give me head with hair, long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there hair, shoulder length or longer
Here, baby, there, momma, everywhere, daddy, daddy

Hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it, my hair

Let it fly in the breeze and get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas, a hive for bees
A nest for birds, there ain't no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder of my
Hair.'

Wowie! I didn't know until today I was sexy and desirable. I may spend $200 on haircuts every year but from what I've learned today it's worth it. Babes get turned on when I walk down the street. 

Let's face it. I'm a god.