XXX

I have to give a warning for any reader under sixteen. Leave the computer screen immediately and go feed the dog. This ain't going to be pretty.
Let me begin by saying I'm more than open minded about most things heterosexual. It takes a whole lot to shock me. I'm a normal man! I very much enjoy the female form. Why not? I've got three kids. I didn't sprinkle pixie dust on my wife and wait nine months.
Elizabeth and I were watching TV last night, 10:15 PM, Travel Channel. Actually, I'd been 'flippin'. A commercial came on and, for some reason and I don't know why, something caused me to stop. There were two women, matronly looking, sitting at a desk, conversing. One was holding a package and I thought I read the name, 'Trojan'. I asked Liz, "Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing"? She nodded, almost disgustingly. There was a female, standing behind the two sitting women and she said something about, "I've used this before". This actor looked to be in her sixties, a librarian type, paige haircut, wearing a plain dress with a broach at the neckline. You get the picture. I thought I heard sounds coming from the TV other than the commercial dialogue so I figured maybe another channel, something from Europe or possibly Quebec, had somehow, mysteriously and magically, jumped our cable. Then, I saw that the box was on the screen again and I could make out what looked like the business end of a toothbrush. One of the ladies then said, "I use this a lot. It helps get me through the day". Good Gawd! I was watching a commercial for a female finger manipulated v-i-b-r-a-t-o-r!
What is it Johnny Carson used to say? Oh yeah, "This is wild and crazy stuff"! And these are wild and crazy times.
I'm finished. You can let your kid come back in the room now.