Friday, February 18, 2011

Wisconsin Teachers Fight To 'Keep It Up'



I don't know why, during my twenty year teaching career Viagra wasn't on the top of the list for teacher's needs. Unless, it hadn't yet been invented and I was so young it wasn't actually a part of my thought process. Evidently, Wisconsin teachers have been fighting for two years to have male enhancement drugs included in their coverage. My thinking on this is---why? One would be taking the chance on producing a clone like the fine young gentleman shown in the upper left hand corner of this blog. Personally, during my foray into education I never actually had one of these lads in a class. I call them "these" because the Kingdom through Variety classification in biology doesn't have a particular coverage for them.
Since I spent fifteen of my twenty years teaching in the parochial schools there was only one instance of a "student"(term used loosely) coming remotely close to the 'Lizard Man' seen here. As I walked to my podium for my 1st period history class I sensed a 'hushed atmosphere'; a sort of, "what will he do when he sees what's in class today"?
I looked up and there he was; black painted eyebrows, black circles around his eyes. It gave him the appearance of a raccoon. He had black painted fingernails, a black outfit with cape. I knew he was harmless. After all, it was the middle of the semester so I had a good handle on him. As teachers we never want to unnecessarily embarrass a student for fear of scarring their psyche forever so I calmly said, "Hey, Cleopatra, let's you and me step outside into the hallway". The class didn't even laugh. Well, mom and dad were at school in a matter of minutes. Evidently, Junior had put on his Halloween costume at the 7-11 up the street from the school. Situations like that weren't a problem for me: "Just nip it in the bud and the problem goes away. Now, for "Chameleon boy(pictured) he's going to have to go through life as pictured. One has to wonder what career opportunities are available to him. Carnival comes to mind. Tattoo artist is a definite possibility. Midnight janitor at a warehouse, maybe. I do know this. If he ever gets really, really frustrated it'd be a bad thing to bang his head on the wall.
I had another dream about teaching just last night. Lizzie had to wake me, I was screaming so badly. I had taken the Viagra and created "Chameleon boy". And I was sentenced by God to call him "Son" in public for the rest of my life.

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