How Obama Keeps From Watching Stock Market

From Ernie Mannix at Big Hollywood:
1. Hides from Harry Reid in the White House’s old bowling alley.
2. Check his Blackberry’s GPS for Hillary’s location.
2a. Chooses the furthest country from Hillary’s present location and tells her to go there next.
3. Tells knee-slapping Biden Jokes.
4. Daydreams about the good old days of the campaign.
5. Compares notes with Pelosi.
6. Helps decorate the new “Census Room.”
7. Dreams up creative phrases for ‘lowering’ taxes.
8. Hums an annoying tune and shakes his head, to avoid thinking about the surge’s success.
9. Checks in with Pelosi.
10. Enters Oval Office and does some bitchin’ karate moves.
11. Asks Rahm what the Joint Chiefs do.
12. Lights up a fresh one.
13. Laughs with Axelrod about Hillary’s ‘ping pong’ route around the globe.
14. Prank phone calls McCain - tells him it’s Bob from “The Scooter Store.”
15. Checks in with Pelosi.
16. Claps his hands and pats everyone in the White House on the shoulder.
17. Meets with Steve Jobs about the new mobile invisible ”iPrompter.
18. Freaks out White House tourists by yelling at them: “How the Hell did you get in here?!”
19. Freaks out Biden by yelling at him: “How the Hell did you get in here?!”
20. Calls Bill Clinton and laughs with him about Hillary’s ‘ping pong’ route around the globe.
21. Calls Oprah and asks how his military salute looks.
22. Practices military salute in the mirror.
23. Reads Rush’s latest radio transcript.
24. Asks Biden; ‘What ever happened to Code Pink?’
25. Meets with hypnotist to help him quit smoking and to stop saying ‘ummm’ and ‘uhhhh’.
25. Reads Big Hollywood and takes down names