Wherefore Art Thou, Thomas Edison

Avoiding traffic like the plague is a planned out process between Thanksgiving and Christmas for moi. In making plans for shopping I'll drive thirty minutes further to a store only to avoid Christmas shoppers. They are, at this time of year, certifiably insane. There should be a lottery for these people; driving tickets would be distributed at local schools and shopping for each person would be limited two hours in length. Regardless, I snaked around Dublin, Hilliard and Columbus yesterday looking for some essentials. I have a lady friend back in Iowa. She's 84 years old or thereabouts and has been a part of my life since 1963. She might be an octogenarian but acts and thinks like a fifty year old. Anyway, I was on a quest to buy her a special Christmas gift and started the trek two days ago. I drove to Macy's, Nordstrom's, Bed Bath and Beyond, Ulta, you name it and I was there in search of this primo gift. It's a female one and comes a 1.7 oz. bottle and goes for $60 clams. Know what? Nobody carried it. With great frustration I then went to plan B. Whatever I got would be acceptable. This I do know. I could bag 1.7 oz. dog manure, wrap it up with a nice bow and some pretty paper then give it to her and she'd think it was wonderful only because it had my name on it.
There's a Walgreens a half mile from my home and I've become acquainted with the help, especially the ladies. One of them always makes duplicate photos of my grandchildren when she shouldn't since the pics are professionally done and supposedly it's against the law or Walgreen policy or whatever. I buy my shampoo there. Did you know it makes absolutely no difference to your scalp if you put a $10 dab of poo on your head as opposed to the kind I use; four gallons at .99 cents. The scalp doesn't know it. The results are the same. Think about it the next time you pour a glob some fancy schmantzy in the palm of your hand. I aisle walk at Walgreens. There are always bargains, especially on M&M's. So, as I was sashaying past the female aisle, and this has to be Divine Providence, my eyes caught the exact same gift I had driven to Hell and back looking to buy. Not only that but it came in a gift packet with moisturizer--all of this for half the price of what I expected to shell out.
While at 'my store' I sauntered by the light bulbs. A figurative light went off in my head. I'm always thinking of my grand kids especially now that I'm in my mid-sixties. I've saved so much junk, aka 'collectors items', for them over the years they'll all be rich some day after I'm gone or so I've convinced myself. Why, who in their right mind wouldn't be overjoyed with old newspapers? It was then that I spied 100 watt Thomas Edison light bulbs. "Why not", I thought. After tomorrow the government has mandated they can't be made anymore so I purchased one for all eight kiddies and the other one still taking a 'womb swim'. Believe me, in fifty years they'll thank me. Did you know the original Edison bulb, the one used in Menlo Park, New Jersey, still functions? That's government, though. If something works throw it in the toilet. And we have to use expensive, mercury filled, Al Gore approved pieces of junk.
Okay, there's a moral to this post. You already know what it is. When making out your Christmas list start at Walgreens. They are convenient because they're like fire hydrants; one on every corner. Prices are excellent. They have what you're looking for and, most important, the ladies take a shine to guys like me.