Some Do's And Don'ts Of Being A Grandparent

I love being a grandpa. For the most part my grandchildren are crazy about me for a number of reasons: I buy them things; little presents I can get away with on my own. Big gifts need permission from a parent unless they live six time zones away. Then I can use the excuse that I'm always spending money on, let's say, Genevieve, because she's so close to us geographically. I like to 'rough house' with the kids. You know, be a horsey and carry them around on my back, play tickle games, have special nicknames for them. I call Paige, 'Peanut'. Evie is 'Angel' and Genevieve is 'Princess'. The boys don't have special names; don't know why. Kids like to be tickled even though they'll yell, "Stop, stop" while you're doing it. Then when you do stop they'll say, "Do it again", so I will. Kids like to 'roughhouse'. Grandma's don't do that unless they happen to be 'biker bitches'.
On the flip side I've learned in the past seven years that being a grandparent requires constant attention and great discretion. I've also come to understand that being an in-law requires the same. You know how we used to be able to 'suggest' to our own kids what to do and when to do it? Well, forget about it. When I visit one of their homes I knock on the door first. It's their home, not mine. Then eventually they'll say, "You don't need to knock when you come over" but I still do, just to be on the safe side.
I always wanted to be one of those in-laws where the other non-child spouse could call me 'Dad' but not doing it because I was a dad to three and that's enough. I don't want the relationship to be that way, just the idea of it. You know, the option is always there in case I come down with some dastardly disease and they feel sorry for me. Then they can call me "Dad" as though they mean it. If I happened to come out of this 'Death Dilemma' they could say they had their fingers crossed and we would go back to the way things were beforehand.
I think I have a fairly good relationship with the spouses of my children; good not great. That's okay, though. God didn't make it that I had to pay their college education and provide for their every whim. Actually, when a parent becomes an in-law, especially if that in-law on my end is a girl, every parent, prior to the wedding, should be given a handout stating the house rules: e.g. take off your shoes at the kitchen door, no eating ANYTHING within thirty yards of said home unless given special permission, ask before using TV remote, no napping on the couch, when taking grandchildren to a playground find out exactly which shoes, pants and coat they can wear, write out your exact travel route and submit it to the police in the event of a kidnapping. The list can be endless and we have to abide by these rules or we could be turned into the Dept. of Social Services as pedophiles or some other deviants. As a grandparent one can't take anything for granted. Just because one of the grand kids has our blood coursing through their veins doesn't mean 'Grandpa' is the end all, be all. House rules are difficult for old people especially. I'm set in my ways and I feel I've earned the right to tell anyone to "Shut the F up" whenever, wherever---as long as I have a weapon and/or they're wimpier than I. Do you know what my house rules would be if I was the son in law; 1)Pick your pizza crust up off the floor when done; (1) Try to remember to put a coaster under your beer bottle as it sets on the newly finished hardwood floor. If not, no big deal; (3)Don't swear in front of Lizzie, especially the F word. She hates it. That's it. Only 3 rules. If Lizzie is around all bets are off. Those 3 rules existed only in Roman times. You know me. I'm the antithesis of an alligator mouth: "all talk, no bite". Or, as I used to say, "I've got an alligator mouth and a hummingbird butt"
Ya' see, it's more difficult being an in-law for the older guys, guys like me. I tend to forget that a daughter or son in law grew up in a different household and they had their set of rules in their own environment. Then your son, for instance, usually acquiesces to the likes and dislikes of the wife because we don't actually care about house rules except for my youngest son because he's one of those finicky kind. I mean, should it bother us if a lamp is on one side of the living room or another? I don't think so. That's another thing I've learned over the years, forty-three to be exact. If your wife says, "should we put the sofa here or over there"? For forty-two years I would have responded with, 'Who cares"? Now that I'm smart I'll say, "over there is nice" then Lizzie will come back with, "Well, I like it here". Then I get to say, "You know what? I think you're right" when all along my mind is saying, "Who gives a rats ass"?
So, in conclusion, if you have kids who are married without children or have kids with children and you go visit, LEARN THEIR HOUSE RULES. It's going to save problems down the road and will allow you to be a frequent visitor because whatever you do remember this; "your kids DO give a rats ass".