Puns For Educated People

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it. 
10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head.”
12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.’
13. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
14. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 
15. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
16. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
17. Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, "I've lost my electron.” The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive.”
18. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
19. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did