A Day In The Life Of MJ Hawkeye

To coin a phrase from a great song by the Beatles every day when my feet hit the floor from sleep it's
it's like a magical mystery tour. The day could be outstanding in a good way or having a magicians hat and pulling out an anaconda instead of a rabbit.

Today it was the anaconda but it's only 4 pm so the rainbow still has the opportunity to show its glory.

The Queen called me in Ohio from our Minnesota lake home. She had 3 duties for me to perform. When this happens I have to say, "Wait, I get paper and a pen". I have difficulty remembering one duty but three is a killer.

I had to send UPS to the cabin (1) a checkbook, (2) a fancy water bottle made by the Rothschild family. It looked that way to me. It was made out of glass, had logo I couldn't make out and (3) sunglasses. The Queen has more sunglasses than an Arab in the desert.

I boxed the items and carefully wrapped the bottle. At the UPS shop I encountered Justin. When I ship from the U.S. Postal Service the postman will ask, "Any liquids, breakable items, etc." You know the drill. Justin said, "What's in the box"? He didn't even put a please in the sentence. So I countered with, "Why do you need to know"? That's a legitimate question. And then it began------------.

"Mister, open the box so I can check the contents". This was after I told him exactly what was in it.

Understand that I'm 72 years old. I'm like Walter Mattheu in the movie Grumpy Old Men. In other words don't anybody give me crap and less you want a bulldog tearing at your trousers and I was that bulldog. I asked the kid why me? He told me I fit a certain profile of those who break the law. There had to be five other folks in the store and I wasn't going to let this die. "WHAT'S THE PROFILE". I asked. His stupid answer was I was vague about the contents of the water bottle. "There isn't anything in the water bottle". "It's a water bottle". So, Barney Fife then said, "What if it contained alcohol"?
This bothered me greatly and i asked him why he didn't ask me if there was alcohol in the box. Why would I lie about that? If the bottle contained plutonium then I might have fibbed. Besides, why would I ship a bottle of wine to Minnesota when I could have told Her Majesty to get in the car, drive to the liquor store and pick up her own wine for a lot less cost.

Know what? I used to teach high school kids this guys age and they were the ones who earned an F.

The coup de gras was this box cost me a smooth $21.00. It was the size of a shoe box.

I was going to tell you about my trip to Ohio Health to replace a tiny piece of rubber for my CPAP machine. Going through this would be too aggravating so I'll pass. Suffice it to say I didn't get the part needed. I explained to the lady behind the desk that bureaucracy is frustrating. She didn't know the meaning of the word.

And so it goes.