Some Guys Never Grow Up

There was a golf tournament at my club yesterday. It's called, "Three Jacks and a Jill". It's a fun event, or supposed to be------until some dufus thinks he's in Game 7 of the World Series. This is my segue into the post so bear with me.
Walter Brennan, long time movie and TV actor starred in a western TV show in 1967 called, "The Guns of Will Sonnett". He was a rough and tumble guy along the lines of Rooster Cogburn. Whenever some fancy pants tried to outdo him he'd let the guy know he was messin' with the wrong guy and to emphasize his skill with a 6 shooter used a saying, "No brag, just fact".
MJ has been around sports for many, many years. I grew up on the stuff. The Iowa Hawkeyes football team had a replay on WHO radio at 11pm on Saturdays. I'd fall asleep listening to the 1958 Rose Bowl Hawkeyes at age 12. I was a sports freak. I played high school football, basketball and baseball; won 9 varsity letters. "No brag, just fact"! In college I played basketball and baseball. In twenty years of high school coaching I witnessed and coached all-state players, been in state championship games and know 'the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat'. I have big time college coaches as friends and acquaintances. I can carry on a sports conversation the way Jimmy Johnson talks NASCAR.
There are guys out there who have never and will never get over the 'wannabe athlete'. Obnoxious doesn't describe them. In 1990 my son convinced me, at age 44 to get in a men's fast pitch softball league. It'd be fun, he said. Personally, I've never gotten into softball. Once I left semi-pro baseball I never picked up a glove until the men's league. There was a fella on the team named Kish. He was the star. The reason I knew this was: he made out the line-up, directed traffic on the field and chattered constantly. Folks, nobody chatters on the baseball field except for T-ballers who shout, "Batter, batter, batter" in order to divert attention. Naturally, the manager who himself wasn't good enough to make the JV high school baseball team told them this is what Major Leaguers do.
Well, Mr. Kish put me in right field. That's a slap in the face anyway since he wasn't good enough to carry my spikes to the car. As misfortune would have it, a fly ball was lined to me. I caught it and made the throw home to get the runner on 3rd. Unfortunately, I missed the cutoff man. No big deal. It's a softball game. Then I hear from the K-Man, "Hey, get you head in the ballgame"! Now, I'm not one to take this lightly and in the time honored legacy of my dad, Larry Hawkeye, I came back with, "Why don't you effin eat me"! I knew right away our families wouldn't be going to King's Island together. Oh, did I mention that we played on the Knights of Columbus softball team?
Back to the Jack and Jill game of yesterday. Our lady teammate was very nice. The man in my cart the same. We had fun, laughed and talked about our lives. I didn't know any of the folks. The 4th guy was a 'wannabe'. In this event the men can buy, for $5, tickets to hit from the ladies tees on three holes. The 4th guy, I'll call him, Fatty Arbuckle, and this is the honest to God's truth, did not introduce himself to me. The first hole is 400 yards in length and the first thing he said was, "you'll probably want to hit from the ladies tees". Steam poured out of my ears. My unconscious memory reverted to the 'Kish response' and I did it. I was livid. At any rate, I pulled out my driver and proceeded to hook one away from the hole. Fact of the matter, this guy did not speak to any of the entire five hours except to say, "We've got to do better if we're going to win this". "C'mon you guys, let's get going." "This is getting to be a joke"
The guy's 61 years old and he's playing in the Masters. He was so fat he had to place his body on the left side of the tee box and his ball on the right just to see it. His stomach stuck out that far. If I'm lyin' I'm dyin!
I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know 'Wannabes'. If you've never done it, then shut up!
"No brag, just fact".