Take Me Out To The Ballgame---But To The Bank First

Lizzie's at the lake so I knew I'd be by myself for Father's Day. My neighbor, a lawyer by trade, is an avid Cleveland Indians fan and asked if I'd care to make the trip to C'town to watch the Tribe against the vaunted Pittsburgh Pirates. It would be my first visit to a Major League park to see a game(if one can call these two teams Major League) in ten years. I went through sticker shock. I'd already bought my ticket. It came to $66 bucks. "Sixty-six dollars", I said when given the news. "Where are we sitting, on the mound"? It wasn't exactly that close, 25th row directly behind home plate. There were thirty rows in our section of three with 13 people in each. That's a lot of cash. Since the stadium seats forty thousand that's more cash. The problem is, it's Cleveland and even though they're in first place in their respective division and it was Father's Day only thirty thousand showed. The people must have had better things to do, like robbing stores and creating mayhem in the streets. You do know how I feel about Cleveland.
Allow me to give you a sample of what happens at a game if you have a family of four; a mom and dad and two kids. I'll use this as a base since that's who sat next to us. A 12 oz. beer goes for $7.75. If you want a bargain you can up the intake to 16 oz. for a mere dollar more. "Go for the gusto, baby", I say.
A can of soda is only $5.75 and water, a bottle of water, costs $4.75. Want some M&M's? Okay, then give the guy another five bucks. The same goes for popcorn and peanuts. They sell those foam hand gizmos that say, 'Tribe #1'. That will only set you back $9. The kid next to us had to have one or his world was going to fall apart. I broke down and bought a brat for $7.50 with a medium Pepsi; another $3.75. They don't sell small Pepsi's, just medium and large.
Out beyond the left field stands I saw the Huntington Bank building. That's my bank. I bet they have ATM machines in the stadium. If they don't then some body's missing out on a huge opportunity.
The game was okay(Yawn). It was 2-2 in the top of the eighth when the rain came. The best idea we had all day was in deciding not to sit it out. We left the stadium, hopped in our car, and drove the two and a half hours home. I got in the house in time to watch the resumption of the game and see Cleveland triumph. Right before that I went to the kitchen sink and tapped a 16 oz. glass of water(no charge) and microwaved a bag of popcorn, 50 cents.
Then I thought how the Tribe could make some real money. With all the beer and soda sold why not charge to use the urinals? Am I brilliant or what?
So, if you have a family of four and want to go broke, take in a Major League baseballgame. It's the American way.