Vertigo: It's More Than A Movie

Every once in awhile God throws a curveball my way. Lizzie headed out for San Antonio March 15 to help out with out new granddaughter so I had the condo all to myself. It wasn't two days after she left that I developed one of those dreaded chest and head sinus colds. For Lizzie it was a stroke of luck because she wouldn't have to listen to me go through those hard cough jags all night. Why is it we humans keep putting things off? Prior to my hip replacement of two years ago I prayed to every saint from the protector of German Shepherds to Our Lady of Lourdes to make me better. I'd throw holy water on the painful area everyday hoping for the big miracle. I detest knives, especially those that cut into my skin. Common sense finally prevailed and the magical fingers of my doctor did their work.
After three weeks of coughing my lungs out I made a trip to our local CVS and bought a bottle of the nighttime cough syrup. It worked.
My sickness decided three weeks was enough so it went on hiatus only to appear again another day, I'm sure. Even so, I still didn't feel up to snuff. I'd be at the golf course and didn't have much get up and go. You know the old story: "My get up and go got up and went".
Last Friday morning I had my semi-annual teeth cleaning and the dental assistant mentioned to me that I seemed sort of dehydrated. I let it slide since I'd consumed six cups of Joe before the visit. "Hydrated, Schmydrated", I thought.
On Friday evening Lizzie and I were preparing to to attend the play, "Godspell", with our neighbors. I'd eaten dinner early, around 3:30 PM and was lying on the couch when I spotted on the night stand next to me an entire bag of Dove's raspberry dark chocolate candy. "I'll have four or five", I thought. An hour later I started counting the wrappers and was amazed to come up with sixteen of those bad boys. I am the most compulsive person alive. At ten minutes to seven I got up off the couch, or tried to, anyway. I fell to the right and banged into a chair. I fell forward then backward. I fell down. My eyes were spinning and I couldn't focus. It was reminiscent of the world's biggest drunk except I haven't so much as had a beer in ten years. And do you know the first thing that entered my mind: I ate too many chocolates! At this point I was not the brightest bulb on the tree.
Regardless, because I'd sprung for the theater tickets I walked to our car to pick up our friends and a half hour later we were at the location. I was sweating like a mouse cornered by Tabby. I couldn't keep my eyes open but somehow I made it through the play. The smartest thing I did was let my friend drive home. As soon as I hit the house I stumbled upstairs and crashed. I don't upchuck often but when I do it's like water going over Niagara Falls. Thank God the toilet bowl took the brunt of, and you guessed it, the Dove's candy.
"Well, that's over with", said I. Except it wasn't. I had to do my man thing around 3AM. I don't usually mind this because I normally hit the head four or five times a night. The way I see it the more trips I make the more calories I burn. As I got out of bed I crashed into our patio window then the television stand. I fell to the floor and assumed the Tim Tebow position before I made it to the bathroom. "Hmmm! This is not good". Well, after returning to my bed I passed out until 10AM. Lizzie had some errands to do and called home at noon to see if I was alive.
I do not like hospitals. I detest hospitals. I know people who not only enjoy going to hospitals they even relish the thought of having operations just so they'll receive a card or flowers or, quite possibly, a gift.
"Lizzie", I said, "I think I need to go to the hospital".
If you're still hanging in there with me this is when it gets good. We went to the emergency entrance at the Dublin Hospital. Thank the Lord nobody was in the lobby. I later found out that if it had been a nice day outside instead of having arctic weather the emergency room would have been jammed. Are you ready for this? From the time I arrived at the information desk and transferred to a private room it took exactly two minutes. In the course of one and a half hours I had a background check done. I had blood taken. I was given a CAT scan and had chest X-rays. I was given meds. An Assistant's Physician and a real, not fake, doctor checked me out. I was as tired as Rip Van Winkle on his worst day and was allowed to sleep for two hours and when I awakened my television was on and tuned to Fox News. What an experience.
Try and tell me this sort of happening would occur under ObamaCare and if it would I'd kiss your rear end at downtown Columbus, Ohio at lunch time.
I thought I was having a stroke but as it turns out it was a case of vertigo. Before my friend told me about vertigo I thought it was something you were born with or the name of a Jimmy Stewart movie. I'm taking medicine and resting and as I understand I might be better in three days. I hope so because one of my dear friends from Racine, Wisconsin will be in town to play some golf.
My friend in Dublin had vertigo a month ago. One of the nurses said it might be developed from a virus and/or transmittable. I don't know how I got it but I do know this, 'it ain't fun'. If I'm going to act like a drunk I'd like to have a bottle of Jack to help me achieve it.