Jimmy Kimmel's 18 Funniest Jokes At WH Correspondents Dinner

1. To Obama: "I know you won't be able to laugh at my jokes about the Secret Service. Please cover your ears, if that's physically possible."

2. "If you told me when I was a kid I would be standing on a dais with President Barack Obama, I would have said, 'The president's name is Barack Obama?'"

3. "Remember when the country rallied around you in hopes of a better tomorrow? That was hilarious."

4. "Democrats would like you to stick to your guns. And if you don't have any guns, you can ask Eric Holder to get some for you."

5. "They say diplomacy is a matter of carrot and sticks, and since Michelle Obama got to the White House — so is dinner."

6. Kimmel to New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie: "I think you're misunderstanding New Jersey's slogan. It's not the Olive Garden state."

7. "You'd recognize Jay Carney as the white guy from the LensCrafters commercial."

8. "Where are the CNN tables? Are the CNN tables real tables or virtual tables?"

9. "Did Rupert Murdoch hack into all my jokes already?"

10. "Last week we learned that the president's two favorite steaks are: ribeye and seeing-eye."

11. "Sully, will you do us a favor? Will you drive Lindsay Lohan home? Just make sure you don't run into a goose, and make sure it isn't a gray goose"

12. "Eric Cantor can’t be here tonight, he’s at the gym working on his gavel arm." (Cantor was, in fact, at the dinner.)

13. On Mitt Romney: "You can't have a beer with him, because he doesn't drink. You can't have a cup of coffee with him, because he can't have caffeine. You can't even play Monopoly with him because he keeps trying to put the dog on the car."

14. "It's great to see the Gingriches here, because that means the check cleared."

15. "Supercommittees are to committees what Supercuts are to hair cuts."

16. "I'd like everyone to look under their seats. You'll find a copy of Keith Olbermann's resume."

17. "It doesn't matter if you're black, like President Obama, or white, like President Obama, or red, like President Obama's agenda."

18. On those who want to attack Iran: "They're a bunch of yahoos, and Netanyahus."

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