I came across a story about some guy with a Ph.D who is one of those advice gurus for men and women. His name is Patrick Wanis. He has written a number of books for all of us on relationships. These guys spook me. I mean, look at his picture; pink shirt, soft skin. You get the picture.
He wrote an article on 10 common bad habits for men and what they could mean. This bothers me somewhat, not a lot, but somewhat. I've never see articles about the ten things women do blah-blah-blah. Anyway, let's delve into this aspect of why we suck(if we do at all).
1. Always calling Mom. Wanis says this shows a lack of independence. I guess we need to know what 'always' means. Is it like "it depends on what the meaning of is, is"? I don't call my mom. I haven't done it for years. I write her letters, though. She has hearing worse than what Helen Keller thought possible.
2. Leaving dirty dishes. I do this--when Lizzie is at the lake. I like to do paper plates. Dr. Know-it-all says we're being thoughtless. I say why spend time in the kitchen when I could be watching TV.
3.Leaving the toilet seat down. Once again, anther case of being inconsiderate. I leave the toilet seat down for another reason. I'm a born competitor. I make a game out of going standing up. If I don't leave a drip on the seat it's a victory. Usually, I lose. That's why they make toilet paper in small sections.
4. Not opening doors. Who doesn't do this? I've never seen a man rush ahead of a woman in a wheelchair or walker. I always open doors. I might get a better look at a hot babe.
5. Picking his nose. Well, Wanis says this is bad for obvious reasons. There are many ways to pick your nose that are not quite so offensive. A lot of times TV cameras will zone in on a coach and just as they do, the pick happens. Usually it's like this: the forefinger is curled across the front of the nose and the thumb is inserted slightly to the front part of the nostril. Then, the forefinger is rubbed back and forth across the underside of the nose to get rid of any residue. I don't see the "journey to the center of the earth" pick anymore. I'd thank that's done in private. It takes place when the forefinger is jammed, like a pick axe, as far as it will take you toward the brain. Personally, when I lived in Iowa and found myself on the golf course I'd use the Iowa handkerchief. I'd put my forefinger underneath the nostril and let loose like a leaf blower then quickly flip the gunk to the ground. That can be gross but not any worse than what Canadian geese leave all around.
6. Biting his nails. GUILTY! Actually, I don't bite them but the nails are usually in close proximity to the mouth. I can be a "nervous Nellie". I jump around a lot; can't sit still. It used to be a lot worse until I found those magical things called prescription drugs. Wanis says being jumpy is inconsiderate, too. Well, screw him. I came by it naturally. It's in the DNA and genes.
7. Cussing. I think this means I have to show my power. What it really means is I'm PO'd. Cursing is fun. Sometimes I make a game out of stringing words together. It's actually very creative on my part. So to Dr. Wanis I say, "**#@## you".
8.Procrastinating. Dr. Wanis says this shows by not doing something, fixing a broken board immediately, I'm afraid of failure. Well, he's wrong. What I am afraid of is it won't be much fun.
9. Crunching ice. Once again, the Doc says that we're telling the world, "I'm strong, I'm tough". No what I am telling the world is I've got some ice in the bottom of this cup and I want to crunch it.
10. Slurping food. Who, besides George Costanza, slurps food?
Heck, I can do this stuff and I don't need some silly Ph. D to get the job done. Just tell it like it is----or how I want it to be.
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