MJHawkeye: Pictured second from Left:
This story is going to kill me to tell you but sometimes confession is good for the soul. If this is the case I should hire a priest to follow me around.
Last January, as a birthday gift, I purchased a $350 Bushnell Rangefinder. They are used on the golf course to calculate distance to the pin on the green. It was a silly buy because every course is marked with distances from 250 yards in. It was also a ridiculous purchase since all my friends have one and they are more than eager to say, "Do you want to know your distance"? Besides, I've played enough golf that I can guesstimate within three yards how far I need to hit it. From 250 yards out I hit everything in my bag and hope it(the ball) stays on the course so I can hit it again.
Anyway, the first time I used my super duper whiz bang instrument on my home course was in March. I was by myself on hole number 9 and checked the yardage to the pin at 130 yards. So far, so good. On hole number 12 I wanted to find my yardage but the range finder was missing. I backtracked to number 9. Not there. I was in a panic. It was ladies day at my private club so I figure one of these over sixties babes would turn it in. I waited a week then it hit me. Someone had stolen $350 dollars from me. The logical theory; one of the maintenance guys had picked it up and put it on Ebay.
Know what I almost did? I was going to put a sign on the clubhouse door reading: "Whoever stole my range finder should call my phone number. You might has well have the case to my finder since it won't do me any good". For some reason, only God knows, I didn't put up the sign. I wrote off the $350 to my carelessness. I do it all the time.
At my club I'm required to spend $300 per year in the clubhouse; clothes, food, golf equipment. Our head pro is a nice guy. I still owed $200 last week and since the bill needs to be paid by the end of September I told him to order me a new distance instrument. So now I've got $650 invested in something I don't really need.
Yesterday, September 16, is a day that will go down in the annals of history along side the top ten stupid occurrences of all time. My buddy, Craig, and I were golfing at a public course in Johnstown, Ohio. I had my new Callaway range finder. We arrived at hole #8, a par three. It was 142 yards to the pin. I like the new accessory. On the 9th hole I teed off; a nice drive. My second shot was darn good, too. It was a par 5 and I figure I'm 120 yards out but the shot is over water so I'd better check the yardage. Wait a minute! My new Callaway is gone. Quick like a bunny--no, wrong--faster than a Concorde jet I raced back to to number 8. Gone! The guys on the tee hadn't seen it. I went insane. I was crazy. I lost my mind. Somebody shoot me and do it right now.
We were holding up players so we had to move on. My only recourse was to stop in the pro shop afterwards and leave my name. Fat chance of getting my new range finder back.
Craig and I arrived at hole number ten. I hit a nice 250 yard drive to the middle of the fairway. Craigie has a Bushnell so he gave me my reading. He didn't have to. I knew it was 141 yards. I reached in my bag for my 8 iron. It was stuck. I probably had too many clubs in one slot. I yanked on it again then looked at the bottom of the bag. What a surprise! My new Callaway that I must have set on the bag had fallen in to the bottom. I pulled my golf bag off the cart, removed the clubs, and grabbed the yellow case. As I pulled it out my hand brushed against something else. Are you getting the picture? It was the long lost Bushnell, the one I had blamed on thievery
from everyone in the State of Ohio.
As my good friend from Wisconsin says about me, "MJ, You are one piece of work".
Mea Culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!
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