MJH Is An Addict

Okay, time to bare the soul. I'm an addict. Better yet, I'm addicted--to many things. The computer is an addiction for me. I also have short term addictions; ice cream, M&M's and, oh, those things that are a combination of peanut butt-yeah, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
I'm also addicted to golf, but you knew that already. I'll play Monday through Thursday and then go to the course on Friday. Mentally, I'm not prepared for it but after the 2nd hole it's like I'm on auto mode.
I'm a big time tobacco addict. I started smoking when I was nineteen. Don't shake your head in disgust. Please, let me finish the story. When I was in college I sucked on Camel straights. Those are the ones without a filter. I did this until December of '69. As a gesture to Lizzie that I was sincere in cutting back on my pack a day habit I switched to Winston filters. Big Whoop!
I was a pack a day guy until 1986 when I stopped---cold turkey! A friend, The Fat Man, and I did it at the same time. He's never gone back. I did. It was exactly one year later and I was caddying for a friend on the PGA Tour. We were walking down the fifth fairway and I was feeling good because my friend was playing well. He pulled out a stick and I said, "Gimme one of those". I knew one wouldn't hurt. Wrongo, Hawkeye boy! I was hooked on the spot. Since 1986 I have completely quit smoking cigarettes for a year or more six different times. If you don't believe me ask Dr. Curt. I think he's been with me half the times I've tried. I did the patch thing once. it worked but I'd always have a supplement mouth spray to splash toward the back of my mouth. Mouth spray, cinnamon gum and the patch. I'd also soak toothpicks in a cinnamon liquid overnight then suck on them all day. It works.
On my last go round of quitting, I think it was six years ago, I didn't want to go through the hassle of 'quitting'. I need a magic cure. I decided to look online at the very best stop smoking programs.
The problem was they all had a success rate of 50%. Now, knowing me, I knew that 50% was a waste of money and a recipe for disaster, so I kept looking. Finally, I came across something called 'Nico-Cure'. It was based out of Philly, was a non-nicotine patch, and the user wore one for thirty days. People, forget all about the crud advertised on TV and pills and all the jazz. The side effects say you might get cancer or kill your spouse or ram you BMW into your neighbors 8,000 square ft' home at 130 mph because of depression. With Nico-cure there was no withdrawal, no side effects, no withdrawal and the cost was the same as a carton of cigarettes. If you smoke and want to stop google it. You'll thank me, maybe even by sending me some cash.
How am I doing without cigs? Oh, I usually have two with a cup of coffee(when Lizzie's not around). Other than that, just fine, thank you.