Almost A Record

Today is the first Friday of the month so you know what that means: First Friday Mass. I knew we had a chance to set a record before the service began since a funeral would be following close on its heels. Little did I know how close it would be.
In the summer of '84 our family was in Massachusetts for a Holy Day of obligation. It was an exciting day since we were going to walk Boston's famous Freedom Trail. A roly poly priest got us going and before I knew it we were walking out the door--after only thirteen minutes. This is my kind of priest.
In 1992 I was visiting a priest friend in north central Iowa. He said the 8 am Mass. The trouble was we had an 8:45 tee time. No problem for my buddy. We made the #1 tee with minutes too spare. I always congratulated him on his consideration.
Today, after five minutes, the good padre was reading the gospel. Normally, we'll have a twenty minute homily on how to become a better person based on that days reading. Total elapsed time; two minutes. Now, the competitive juices started to kick in. Instead of concentrating on the Mass I was becoming a clock watcher. I hate when that happens. In my mind I kept repeating; "Go, go, go. The thirteen minute record was in our reach". Then it happened. The communion line was over two hundred. My hopes and dreams were dashed. Time elapsed was 17 minutes. Oh well, that's not too bad. It was a tie for second.
As we left the church I related this story to Lizzie. She wasn't impressed. Her response, "you should have been her last month. He did it in twelve".